IN HOPE AND FRUSTRATION (a novel)

(Mr. Zamil is an established businessman. His wife is Rekha, who is his cousin and the business he is doing has been obtained through his wife. But due to unknown reason Mr. Zamil is not happy with his wife. In such situation he came to know that his another cousin Lima is in love with him. She is much younger than him. Mr. Zamil also falls in close love with her and at sometime Lima became pregnant. The whole thing becomes so complex.)

Tears comes and comes from eyes

The heart as if the desert dry

A cry is heard with pause

But you are in hope and frustration

1. 

Give me burn

Through a handful of black color

With dirty smoke, darkness and insult

Attack me and hurt serious

Come over the humanity

And strike me with poisonous arrow

Bend me bleeding in body

Yet I shall tell

I love you, I love you.

In the month of February of nineteen hundred fifty five when the winter was being ended and spring was coming. Then one day the busy gentleman was happy and that was being expressed in some of his inconsistent activities. His wife was observing this with no worry with her strong personality. But she did not give any emphasis on it, rather she was observing this as a silly matter and this was being expressed in her little and controlled smile. Of course this was also a fact that she was a bit urprised. As because in that morning the known person to her was being appeared with dimension and this was sudden. At some time she very normally asked her husband-

What is the matter? You are looking very much happy.

She found her husband a little clever. This was for the reason that her husband with a little smile in his lip stared to her and without giving answer directly he answered-

This is the spring celebration. Do you understand in Bengali language this is called ‘Basanta Bilash’. The spring has come to the nature and it has an impact on me.

The wife became a bit perplexed seeing this nature loving of her husband. Such enormous expression of the nature of her husband made herself surprised

The husband was taking preparation of shaving and at the same time he was singing in slow voice. Now he moves a little and looked towards his wife directly. His wife could understand that the husband wants to tell her something. In such moment he told-

Will you hear a poem?

Tell. Though I don’t know what 9is that poem suddenly came to your mind.

Be attentive to her. This is a poem of love.

I understand. Now start it.

The husband cleared his voice as preparation and then started to recite it.

I can remain sitting to your foot

For unlimited time

If you give me word

I can set my eyes

On your eyes or can keep

My head on your chest.

Taking a soft finger

Of your hand

I can play like an innocent baby

If I pass this bewildered youth

Then how much

The offence will be

I wish to be showered with

Endless rain fall of the summer

Or I swim

To the unlimited water

Then your fish body under

Water becomes wet

And then the cloud of sky

Then whisper among them

This is called  love.

The wife was lost hearing the poem for a moment. She came to sense hearing a complaint from the husband.

I recited a very nice poem and you did not even give me thanks!

Thanks will make a little low. Where did you find this poem?

Got some where. But I can’t tell that.

Did you have any affairs in this age? It may be secret.

May be. There is no belief to the male person.

Did you mean that a wo9man can believed under any circumstances?

That is also right. Is it that you are doing something secretly?

Are you in doubt?

It may be. A beautiful damsel can not be relied always.

We passed so many days and you understood about me this? Well, let me try to find out someone for me. If I can collect one then I shall tell you to know your opinion about my choice.

The husband woke up, went to the wife and embraced her. In the same manner the wife like a creep became attached with body of husband. They can’t tell anything. The spring arose with its grandeur, makes everything unorganized and the body then started to talk. They passed a beautiful and delighted moment and then they came to the sense. They hear the resonance of moment around for some time. The wife first talked with the husband.

Its a long time now. Let me go.

All these things in the morning makes the wife more lively. She thought some hidden doors of the heart suddenly opened today and the gentle breeze with strong sense is entering through those doors. That storm in the heart makes her more bewildered. She waited throughout the day for her husband with a delight in her mind, which roams throughout the body enormously. Her husband like all other days has gone out to attend his office long before.

 

2.

The life is a night to me

Dark spots everywhere

The hope of light in the dark

Of night being a hard play

The wrong love, limitless wait

And this is a different resonance.

All these household affairs are daily activities to the couples. So leave it now for the time being. Let us take time to know this couple. We have not yet known their names. The husband is Zamil and the wife is Rekha. I think you all are in understanding that these two names are given by me to them and that has been decided right at this moment. But dear friends there are many couples around you also and you know them well being near to them. But you have never been eager to write anything about them as they are very much ordinary, nothing different. We all are busy with our matters and where we shall find enough time to about the life of other persons.  But I have time and so I became forward to write something about the lives of such persons. But before everything I shall pray apology to Zamil and Rekha for writing about them and also allowing you all to read about them through my writing. Nothing remains hidden for unlimited time. Some day will come when this will reach the hands of Zamil and Rekha and it is most likely that they will be annoyed with me. But I have prayed apology in advance for the purpose of making their annoyance a little less.

3.

Take me, take me to you

I am being alone step by step

The days are enemy to me

And the night all also

I am alone and si9mply alone

All the persons around me

Are meaningless to me

They are false

And have no appeal to me

Whichever valuable are you

So the heart is to you

Either it is cure or not cure

You have the seven colors.

However we are going back to the events again. We have nothing to do than to go, as the matter is a bit different. You may think that busy Mr. Zamil like all other days after entering the office has become very busy with files on the table. But the thing is not exactly like that. The matter is a mystery to me also and I can not resist myself to let you all know the matter.

In fact he was restless then. He was restless as he was waiting for something. He was not able to tell it but it was clear in his face. He was not being able to be attentive to anything. Just he was moving files from one place to other place. Suddenly the phone rang. He became trembled. He took the phone and heard a nice voice from the other side of the phone.

Good morning, my dear. How are you?

Good morning Lima. I am well and how are you?

Physically good, but feeling nothing good at all. I can not make you understand what is happened to me after the last day. (Let us wait to know what happened yesterday). You will not be able to understand the mental disposition of me.

I understand Lima. I understand everything.

I am not also good.

Come to me.

Right now?

Yes. Right now.

Where?

At the gate of Children’s Park. We shall take decision where to go from there. Be careful. None should know it.

OK. I am coming now.

4.

Have you slept my dear girl?

Still I hear some little sounds

Coughing of your aged father

Your mother’s voice in this midnight

Harsh sound of damaged aged woman

Two separate lives

Devastated with burden of life.

So sweet the smell is in the air

In a small dark the petals white

Laughs a shameful life

I know she will be ashamed

Seeing that face, yet I call

And call and then become tired.

Zamil came out of the room on the excuse of work. All other staff never dare to ask any question. This is because he is the owner of the office and at the same time he is the boss. His will for any matter is sufficient. He reached the front gate of Children’s Park and found Lima has not yet reached. Within a short moment Lima came there, when Zamil was smoking. The two hearts deeply in love  start to find out a lonely place for their peace in this densely populated city.

They discussed and thought a lot to select the proper place for them and at last Lima tells about the residence of her friend Suborna. The residence is in Dhanmondi. It is a big house and to speak the truth the residence remains as no man’s  land throughout the day. Suborna does not go out frequently. That place may be the destination—telling this Lima came to the decision that they will go there. If the luck favors then the place of getting peace in mind is not too far.

They were talking while they were going. Suddenly Zamil kept one of his hands on the thigh of Lima. The fingers of his hand touches the place of joining sections of two thighs. Lima became trembled. She first stared to the hand  and then face of Zamil. Zamil’s another hand is on the steering and the matter is appeared like that the other hand is there with no target and he did not understand presence of Lima.

Lima takes the hand of Zamil under control of her two hands. She started rubbing the hand with her own satisfaction. There was traffic jam and so it was not difficult for Zamil to drive the car with one hand. The two persons silently started to enjoy each other with hands in the crowded road and at certain time they removed their hands to the place. The persons in the road were seeing all these things through the car window. Seeing all these Zamil and Lima became ashamed. After the was over the car started to move speedily and Zamil used his two hands to drive the car towards the destination.

Suborna was in the residence alone. Both of them became relaxed seeing the vacant residence. They were u7nable to give thanks to God, as this may be unusual. Lima entered the room of Suborna and took place on the bed there. Zamil also did the same. Of course, they have meanwhile concluded the introduction part of this first meeting before.

Suborna told them to sit and went out for some purpose. This is nothing but giving an opportunity to them and both of them could understand it. Immediately after closing the door they embraced each other as they could not be able to make any more late. They lustrous to the highest extent and even they were unable to miss time for primary and initial activities for the purpose. Of course, they have completed that when they were coming through the way.

Lima became the young one of bird to the aggressive hands of Zamil. The beautiful body with its highest luster became appeared before Zamil like budding flower and he threw over all her dresses from the body one after another. Zamil found a thin golden chain at the waist of Lima and he became surprised. A hanging thread like chain from the west chain has come down to the middle point of the two thighs of Lima and at the end of that thread like chain make more lusting him. He touched it and then kept it there. Then he brought down his mouth to the joining point of two thighs and started sucking as much as he can. Lima felt to be electrified. Her body became bending and in such position she remained on the bed for the time she does not know.

Lima was lying on the bed and Zamil was sucking sitting in between her two legs. He lifted his eyes and saw Lima. Lima was then closing eyes. Her two lips being red like blood has made the attraction of them much more. Zamil advanced forward like a snake to the lips and when he caught her two lips with his own lips then suddenly something strong hooked to the joint of thighs and entered inside with full strength, as if that was a volcanic eruption. Lima could not see anything. She embraced strongly Zamil with her two hands.

All storms come to an end at some time and every thing becomes normal. They removed the lusting desire and started talking each other. They do many things and at certain stage Zamil took Lima to her lap. The body appeared to be soft, weightless cotton to the emotion of Zamil. In fact everything is possible in love. When there is love then nothing is heavy in life.

Lima can not understand when two hands of Zamil entered under the wear on her breast like small rat. Zamil took her breasts under control of his hands and then he draws her to him as near as possible. Lima pretends to deny this. Zamil knows it, as this is not new to him. He keeps his lips to the ear of Lima and tells

Will your hear a poem?

Yes.

Zamil keeps his chin on the shoulder of Lima. His hands are busy, but tells the poem—

My sweet speaking girl

I have known getting the smell

Of the air coming from far

That it was with you in the room

And then roamed to different areas

Taking smell of the body

Told me before—now is the time.

Keeping under conceal

I want to tell remaining under

Cover of shame

I am hungry now

Thirst, ailments, death and

May be some other things

Have attached me around

Now remaining under open sky

Overcoming the crowd

I want to dash and tell you

You put your ear to heart

Secret lust are moving more

In the deep of the heart.

Lima tells-

This is not very good.

Actually she wants to hear more. It could not be understood whether Zamil could understand it or not. Yet he is not unhappy. He tells—

Then, listen to another one.

On the whole area of your wear

You write my name

Write it everywhere

On your dress, body and

And in all places that

This hopeless man is your servant.

Attack me with unlimited lust

Let me sit to foot

You open the flow of the honey

And I shall drink that

Taking in my hands all

See the spot of whip on palm

You will be able to know me.

Time passes so early. Time becomes more speedy smoke than time. The two minds become burdened with emotion. As if their hearts want to tell each other—

“There were many things here

And me wanted to know only

So I have become offender much.

If the evening comes again

Then there will be dance

With the peacock

In the moon light washed night

I shall take from me

And shall give you to your hands

If then falls any crystal drop

From my eyes beyond my sense

Thy know then you

The flying girl

My unlimited love shall remain

With you being unseen love.

They can not understand how a number of hours passed. Zamil is now supposed to go now. Lima does not forbid him, because that will be much. So the need to be controlled. Zamil is now her love. Besides, the examination is ahead. When they were going out then Suborna came and told to Lima—

Whenever you feel to come, you will come then without hesitation. My father and mother remain in the office whole day. Thee remains none in the residence. If anybody comes then I shall manage. Let your love be successful.

Lima becomes happy and touches the chick of Suborna. She laughs and. Suborna requests Zamil to go again. Zamil becomes ashamed and tells—

I shall come again.

This is the first time in the life of Zamil that a girl other than Rekha came to his life. He was amaged so much with this love that he was being unable to control him. He thought himself as the happiest man in the world. Nothing to say about Lima. The delight of first meeting in life made herself bewildered. She was unable to believe that this has been happened to her. She was thinking about the matter and was feeling happiness again and again. She was feeling to share this delight to some other. If there would have been any friend to her then she would embrace her and told—

I am lost my friend, I am lost.

 

(5)

Thirst, the name of a deer

I walk behind her and saw

There is no forest

But only the deserted house

Broken wood, broken structure

And field in drought

The river is dried with

Hot son of the season

Tiredness of time is in the body

Of flow of the old water

The body of grass dried

Has embarrassed her quietly

The air with smell of flower

Is so shameless now that

This has gone out for illicit love

The shameful creep trembling

With poisonous air

No fear and no thought

And I call you again and again

And tell

You see the deer thirst

Is in our lap.

Time passes with its own way. Zamil continues his love affairs secretly. Lima also becomes attached with him in her flesh and blood. Out of sight of everybody a palace of sin starts to be grown up. In it many history, many stories, love and decline like many rooms kept in line by line starts to be accumulated. This is known to them only who were in love. Love is like a glacier, whose most of the part remains under water and a very little is seen outside over the water.

The competency of love between these two persons has the lion share with Lima. Her serious desire, irresistible demand have brought this love affairs to the middle of the river. Now there is nothing surrounding and found only the empty. That two persons are surrendered to this emptiness completely. Zamil very secretly writes this emotion in the pages of diary.

I wanted your love

And though there is no star

In the sky in this midnight

Yet only one star dazzles

In the core of my heart.

My dear love

All the disaster is end now

The crowd of insect is in procession

To the body of death

Attacked in the far killing field

So, don’t tell it humanitarian

I hate everything that is to hate

For the beauty in the existence

Now to the own of me.

I was a cool and calm pond for long time keeping the frustrated lines of verses hidden in my heart, all of which were hurt with pain and frustration of occupied land; and now that me became the flow suddenly, explanation of which I can’t give, but now telling only these lines-

Let come, sit side by side

And name it somehow something

I am the man of such insanity

The times so much I call you

Either with your name or

may be in some other word

Or may be this is in your case

Then a solution of it

Now is very necessary.

Many things are remained in the folds of the heart. I can not understand the way to start. A story which is actually like a river and it is difficult to reach the origin of it. Because some will tell this will be the start and some will tell no and I tell in such condition there is nothing to tell specifically in it. In such condition let the heart be allowed to select the place to start to say this.

Let all the debates be thrown

It is much that we have started

It is foolish to stop now

And difficult also to continue

We are our doctors

For recovery of our own

We are the disease of us

Of our all ailments.

Time will what shall we do in future and in the same way we can read our short past life like a book. May be all the chapters of the book are known to us, yet there are some satisfaction in reading this. The memorized verses when we read, we get some satisfaction in mind. However when we want and do the pages alter one by one then I can see only the photo of you. I can declare this without hesitation. Your existence being smoke covers so much of it that my innate negligence can not cut it. Like shingle I became powder under the wheel of anything and I spread this powder lightly to its verse quality.

Let tell everybody

Whichever they like

You remain still

To your position

The existence of not moving

Sometimes become

The most desired solution

May this is a kind of madness

But in my sense

There is no more sharp weapon

Which can remove

All the differences of us

The others tell it to be worldly

And I tell this

Totally a mental factor.

Your patience and waiting has made our way wide and easy and for that you may claim praise. My grant to you so is the spontaneous to you. Somebody may tell that how much meaning this can bear and to that I tell not to think over the matter much. We can do that which is good for us. May be that is very small, but in the way of love this is much valued.

After coming a long way of this secret love affairs Lima became a bit week in her and started to be changed. Sometimes Zamil cannot understand this long known lady. Suddenly she appears to be unknown. Now Lima does not talk correctly. She talks illogically. Zamil becomes doubtful for this. Is it that Lima is hiding something from him? She wants sometimes to tell something and turns back without telling. What is that which Lima can not tell him. Zamil tries to understand her. But Lima is mysterious and Zamil in no way can understand the thing. He continues to think and think.

(6)

If you tell

Then I shall be timber

You will stuck iron

To make your room

And live there for long

When you will die

You will make coffin

With that wood.

It has become necessary to tell something about Zamil. He entered this story suddenly. So i8n order to defend himself or in the perspective of the story it has become necessary to tell some past time story of Zamil.

The mother of Zamil died when he was a child and his elder sister has maintain him up to attain maturity. Love and affection was no less till mother of Rekha was alive. But love and affection alone can not be sufficient for life. His auntie could understand this and so she helped Zamil and daughter Asha in the same way. She gave marriage Asha and now Asha is living with her husband happily. Zamil obtained Masters Degree from the university of physics. Rekha studied chemistry and passed in the same year. They were similar in mind and temperament and so they were friend also. But this friendship was not love. They have no scope of being in love. They had a very close attachment. So they had never felt of loving each other.

When mother of Rekha died then she requested her husband that he will arrange a marriage between Zamil and Rekha. She was her only daughter. Father of Rekha did not disagree and he did the same as his wife wanted. When his health condition started to be worse then he did not make any late.  He gave marriage of Rekha to Zamil and after some days he died. Father of Rekha was not very careful about the household affairs and for this in spite of his being so meritorious and talented person he was not much successful in household life. He passed his days with hardship and while in the end period of life he became attached with drinks.

He died some days before the HSC examination of Zamil. Zamil appeared in the examination in such mournful condition. Rekha remained by his side always, because auti8e of Zamil took him to her during the examination to encourage him. Now the auntie is dead and Zamil is an established man. He has taken the responsibility of the family of Auntie.

 

 

……………………………………………..

Rekha likes to see drama regularly. She does not miss any of it and her concept on this is that the weekly drama show is the life of BTV. Without weekly drama VTV is nothing. Like everyday she was sitting to see drama on that day. She requests Zamil to leave the book and to see drama and Zamil also finds this as an opportunity to hide himself in some occasion. They started observe it like two friends happily besides the relation of husband and wife. The drama is started with an attractive scene and both of them becomes attached with the drama scene. But while the story proceeds Zamil started to feel some worry. He started to be sweating. He began to tremble and he assumes that he is the central character of the drama. The story is based on an illicit relation of two persons and Zamil observes that the story is his life’s reflection. Zamil becomes attached and interestingly nothing of this does not go aside of the observation of Rekha. She tries to understand everything from her sense of view. Zamil even forgets the presence of Rekha by his side. he becomes assimilated with the characters of the drama. He understands at times that tears are coming out of his eyes abundantly. Rekha takes his head to her chest with two hands. She started to love Zamil touching his dense hairs of head with her two hands. Zamil cries like an innocent baby in the deep of the chest of Rekha.

After dinner they both comes to the bed room. Zamil without any late goes to the bed and Rekha arranges the curtain. Rekha gives a glass of water to the hand of Zamil like everyday and Zamil drinks water. Rekha also entered into the curtain and put off the bed switch.

When Rekha touched Zamil then he came to sense. He was lost for a while. Rekha starts to touch the chest of Zamil with her soft finger and this was so amazing and sensitive that within a short period Zamil raises with his own and he rushed upon Rekha strongly. Rekha’s body and dress becomes al unarranged to the lusting desire of Zamil and Rekha surrendered herself to the embrace of Rekha. Zamil does everything he desires on the body of of Rekha, touched heaps and all sensitive places. At some time Rekha also becomes hot like chimney of fire and in this hot feeling the completed their desire and calmness comes to their body.

Both of them becomes tired and remains in the bed like dead. They don’t talk for a long time. They become unable to sleep. Rekha first talks with Zamil-

Are you sleeping?

No.

I want to tell something.

Tell.

Somebody came to your office today.

Yes.

Who is she?

Lima.

I think there was a big necessity.

Something like that.

Any problem?

Not at present.

Had you been to their home?

Yes.

I phoned to your office and came to know that you are out with a girl. I thought that this will be Lima. I call there and auntie told that Lima has gone one out. May be then you have not reached.

May be. I shall sleep now. You also get sleep. It is high night. Good night my dear

Good night.

 

(11)

Touched your palm

with no hesitation

I did not know that

The touch was poisonous.

Hearing sound of vomiting in the bathroom the mother of Lima appeared there hurriedly. She caught her, took her head to chest. After then when Lima became cool then cleaned the mouth and brought to bed. She put her hands on the daughter’s forehead and asked about the matter-

What have happened to you Lima? Why you are vomiting?

Nothing, mom. Suddenly it came.

Nothing happened without reason. Tell me what happened. You should not be afraid. I am your mother. Today of tomorrow you will have to tell everything to me.

Nothing happened mom. I have taken some food in the hotel with some friends. May be some problem has happened out of it.

The problem is not only in stomach only, but also in your mind. Don’t try to avoid me. I am not only your mother, I am also your friend. You should not be afraid of me. Tell me everything. I shall not disclose it.

Lima could not control any more and she has no such strength in mind  to deny telling the thing ins an all. She embraced her mother and burst into cry. Her mom also took her to her chest. Touched daughter’s head with affectionate finger and made her cool and calm. At some time Lima went on sleep on the lap of mother like a baby. The image of the child’s life came out and started to play before the eyes of mother.

Lima was then a little girl. She wept in this way always and at time she would sleep on the lap of mother.  The little Lima is now appearing from the matured face of Lima. Mother’s heart becomes broken seeing this face. Lima is now matured and she has fallen in deep love of a boy and as a result of that a new thing was being grown up in her body. But is beloved to her and she is in a position to forgive all her offences without any hesitation. But she will have to know to whom she has fallen into love and then she will arrange marriage for Lima. She will pray for both of them. She has confidence upon Lima. She will not make any fault to select the person for love. Now she wants only to see the boy. How he will be. Then she thinks that is Lima deceived by somebody. May be she was not able to understand the proper person for her love and the boy taking the opportunity of love has entered the seeds of sin in the body of Lima. She can not understand is it possible for any man that he can deceive an innocent girl like Lima. Is there any stone hearted person that he can play with an innocent heart. She becomes desirous to the person to whom Lima has fallen in love. But Lima is now in deep sleep. She took the body of Lima to her hand and place the body on the bed very softly, as if she is a very little baby. She herself also laid down by her daughter’s side. She could see the sky full of stars in the mirror of her mind. She feels very much for a mourning star in the sky. She embraced Lima with the love of the early age. After some time she went on sleep and it was when she was not able to understand.

(12)

“What is the benefit of

Telling too much

It will be seen later on

Who is the pure lover.”

Lime is prepared now to go out. In such time her mother comes to the door and she was smiling. Lima also laughs and tells-

Come in mom. You had been by my6 side during the night. Thank you mom.

Lima took her mother in her two arms. They remain silent for a while. Her mo9ther became in a position to tell something, but Lima takes the opportunity and tells-

I shall sing a song for you. This song has been song by Madonna. It is a famous song. You will have to be attentive to hear and until the song is end you will not tell anything, my dear mother.

Lima goes to the record player and on the switch. She gives the lyric of the song her mother’s hand. and tells-

The song is written here. If you find it difficult to follow then see this. This will help you to understand. I am going out and shall come very soon.

Telling this Lima goes out of the room hurriedly. Her mother starts to assimilate the written song with the voice of Madonna.

--Papa I know you are going

To be upset

Cause I was always your

Little girl

But you should know by

Now

I am not a baby

You always taught me

Right from wrong

I need your help, daddy

Please be strong

I may be young at heart

But I know what I am saying

The one you wanted me all

About

The one you said I could do

Without

We’re in an awful mess

And I don’t mean may be

Please

Papa don’t preach me I am in

Trouble deep ..

At time the song becomes ended. Lima’s mother stopped the cassette. A long breathe comes out of her heart. She comes out of the room silently. She searches Lima in corners. But by this time Lima has gone out.

(13)

Aesthetic homage has been end

Now the time to arrange

The household affairs

Shall touch your hand a little?

No love. may be cooperation

Or any other, I don’t know

May be nothing of this

Are my culture for all time.

For long I had been

In a bewildered attachment

But when I came out to sense

I saw many dried shells

My mind want to break it

To see the status of life.

The winter is coming. The environment of winter is also being deep. But in the mind of some men the heat of summer is increasing in the minds of some persons. Lima is one of them and may be the main one. She is in the center place of the occurrence and so she feels well. In any matter there a joy of remaining in the center place and so she is also getting a joy. She wants to compare with the nourished fishes in the glass room. She is as if cottons roaming in the air, the fairy of the world of imagination. She laughs thinking that in the twenty first century a thought like this has entered in her brain. Most of the people do not belief this evil spirits now a days, but she believes it. There is clear citation about it in the holy quoran. This belief is the part of believers. Though she does not maintain religious activities much yet she considers herself to be a Muslim. So with such concept she believes in angel and considering herself to be an angel she becomes very much happy. She Tries to remember as to how much movie she has seen where there was angel. She has seen so many and in all these films the man has been shown as angel. Man also becomes a bit type of angel with mysterious activities of him. In this moment she herself is an angel, the angel of an unfair event. She laughs. She stops thinking looking outside. She has reached to her destination. The taxi is now in front of the residence of Zamil. After paying taxi rent she comes out.

She pushed the calling bell and within a moment a darwan peeps through the small entrance of the big gate. He knows Lima and comes forward. Lima does not comes to this residence very frequently, yet she is known as she has come here for two or three times and so the guard could know her.  Lima is a girl who shall be remembered. If she has been seen once then she will be remembered for a long time. Everybody forgets everything after some time. But Lima could be remembered for long time. the guard also remembers her and also her name. Lima was not surprised for this as she had to face such type of situation frequently. The beautiful damsels are remembered for long time and without reason wanted to be nearer to them. Sometimes it becomes annoying But this moment is separate. She becomes happy. The guard tells-

How are you Lima Apa? You do not come. You have come today after long time. Please come in.

The guard tell in correct language and very clear is his pronunciation. He is a middle aged man, strong and stout. Lima looks to her body. The lively and simple laughing face. She likes it. She enters and tells-

How are you brother? Are all in the residence well?

Yes. We are alright. How are you Apa?

We all are good.

Bhaijan has gone to the office. Apa is i8n the residence now.

After pushing calling bell an aged woman came to open the collapsible get. She opened the gate and allowed to enter the house. She was also laughing. Lima entered and started to stared up through the staircase. She came to the bed room of Rekha and then removed the parda a little and entered her face inside. Rekha looked back, laughed a little and called Lima to get in and sit. Lima told-

How are you?

I am well and how are you?

Very good. But where is Zamil Bhai?

He has gone to the office long before. He is alone and he needs to control everything by himself. He has no time to remain sitting idle.

Right. The man is actually in a great problem.

What is about you. You don’t come to our residence now. You have forgotten us all. We are in the same city. If we remain different places then we shall forget each other.

No. My dear Bhabi, I have no way to forget you. I remember you all always. But I can’t find time. Always some works need to be done.

What are the problems? Is it love affairs? Drinking water in hiding and one day you will appear with a man and tell that this is the man for me. This should not be done. We should know it before.

Let it be first and then to show. If there is nothing then nothing to be shown. Please allow me to go for today. I shall come to you another day.

What’s that. Sit for some time. have been angry with me for telling about love?

No. Bhabi, this is to be angry. This is not a matter to be angry. Bhabis are to tell like this and none shall be able to tell like this. Lima step forward and sat by the side of Rekha. She catch Rekha with two hands and tells very slowly-

I am not in good disposition in mentality. Living in a trouble. However, I expect the time will give a good solution of the problem.

If you think me a friend then you can tell me. May be I shall not be able to help, but I shall be sympathetic to you. Sympathy is not always the complementary to sorrow. I don’t know why I wish to come to you very frequently. But I am in short of ti8me.

If you wish then you will be able. If you come then you will find that you have time to come.

Yes, Bhabi, I shall come. If it is not in practical then it will be in bad dream. I think after death I shall be an evil spirit. Then I shall make everybody afraid of me every where. It may be either day or night. Whenever I shall find anybody alone I shall make then afraid.

What rubbish you are speaking. Give up all these evil thoughts from the head.

Lima laughs a little and that laugh is of so much sorrow that this could be understand if anyone looks to it. She tells suddenly-

Let me go Bhabi. I shall come on another day.

Please sit, yhave some food at least. You have come after long days. You should not go without eating anything.

Pleas Bhabi, let it be left today. I shall come on another day and then I shall eat as much as I can.

You like cold drinks and that I have in the freeze. At least you will take some cold drinks today.

OK, Bhabi then give it please.

Let me allow to give something more to with it.

No. Please give me only drinks and nothing more and this should be too much cold.

Lima took the cold drink glass from the hands of Lima. In a single sip Lima completed the glass. The cold drops of the body of the glass fall on the cloth. She keeps the glass on the table and wipe out hands with handkerchief. She comes out of the room and starts to walk on road.

While she was coming Rekha requested her to go again and Lima also agreed to go. The guard also requested her to come again and she agree with a smile. There was soft sun in the sky and the heat when comes to the body Lima starts to feel something different and this was good. She wishes to sing. But this is not possible and so starts to sing-

Tomarei koriachhi jibonero drubotata ......

After going Lima Rekha remains sitting on her bed for some time. She becomes unable to think quietly. She can not understands the reason of sudden coming of Lima to the residence. The problem is with Lima and Rekha has no doubt on it. The inconsistency in behavior of Lima also has some difference. Rekha thinks the matter is serious. Some days before she could come to know something about the relation of her husband with Lima through a distant relation, but since the matter is related with self respect of herself and her husband so she pretends not to give any weight on the matter.

That relation also claimed that she has seen both Zamil and Lima in a very cordial moment when they were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. They were laughing and chatting. Then it comes that the matter is not incorrect. She also did not neglected it when she first came to know about this from her distant relation. But she can not accept it in presence of others and so she strongly denied the thing. She told that she has not seen correctly. Since then Zamil was under her watch, but she was not able to find anything abnormal in Zamil. A different woman can bring some change in the life and behavior pattern, but nothing like that was found in the day to day activities of Zamil. Zamil was always a loving husband. But today the hidden doubt is in the position to come out. Rekha can not think more. Still the glass which she gets in her hand after drink by Rekha remains in her hand. She leves the from hand and the glass becomes thousands of pieces falling on the floor. She wants to leave the touch of Lima with hatred, but she becomes unable, rather she feels for Lima. May be she was here to tell her something.

 

(14)

The ornamentation of kazal

Is wiped out with kiss

Yet upsurge in mind increases

Like storm in beloved.

Let’s come. The game of

Torn papers will start soon

And our couple living

Shall be held on this day.

Lima was indifferent about how much she walked. When she came to sense then she thought there is no meaning of walking like this. She called a rickshaw and without thinking about destination she got upon the rickshaw. She came to Rokeya Hall, where she had a friend. Her name is Mi9tali Roy. She is a Hindu and a good girl, for which the friendship remained still. Mitali, Ruma, Subarna and she got admitted to the university on the same day and time. Mitali got economic and remaining three could not, for which they got admission to the Eden College. Though they were in different organization yet they maintained a good relationship. One she had a bad relation with Mitali, but could not continue as Mitali was really a good girl. She managed all the odds and removed the discrepancies.

Ashok Roy, the brother of Mitali has completed MBA recently from Delhi  University. He is bright young man and introduced with her. Lima had been much cordial, which he understood in a different way. He that Lima might love himj. They travel together, go to the Chinese, talks over phone every now and then. Lima had never thought anything like that. The boy was Hindu. Ashok was serious. One day after eating in the hotel he took Lima to a residence of his relation. The place was a bit lonely. Lima became doubtful. But she could not tell anything to himj as the boy was apparently good. After some time Ashok rushed upon Lima. Lima could not believe it and she became perplexed to see the courage of a Hindu boy. In order to save herself from the hands of Ashok she pretends to be in love with hi9m. She caught two hands of Ashok, took him to her, brought nearer and before understanding anything by Ashok she gave strong blow on his chick. Shye statrted givi8ng slap to his chick one after another. She appeared to be a mad girl then. However the chicks of Ashok became red for a number of slapping on it. Ashok became perplexed and before he came to sense Lima came out of the room spitting a lot on the face of Ashok. Ashok became ashamed of the situation. She did not meet with Lima. One day Lima came to know from Mitali that due reason not known to her Ashok has gone to Delhi.

After reaching Rokeya hall she went to the room of Mitali directly. She got Mitali there. Lima asked her-

What is that? Have you no class?

I was waiting for you.

Don’t tell like that. You wouldn’t not know that I shall come.

Yes I would know in my mind.

Like your brother? Oh, nothing, sorry.

What did you tell Lima. You told ‘like your brother’.

Leave it. Tell about you. You are in the bed in such time!

  

(15)

I became burnt throughout night

Remaining so near to you

Yet a different spring comes

To take far and exiled

I became the true killer

In disguise of sin

Yet in my surroundings I find

The deep dark of Africa.

Time appears to be static. The hands of clock remain static like old me. The days become long and the nights become longer. Father of Lima came to know all these things from the mother of Lima. The genrleman becomes a bit surprised, but takes it as easy, as these are now being happened in the society. Moreover, he is a rich man. He will be able to go abroad and it is not difficult for him to manage all these things in any country. He calls Lima, takes her by his side, talks about anything and then he goes to the main talk carefully, as she is his beloved daughter. He does not want to ask anything directly, rather he takes a sharp way to bring out everything to his knowledge. Lima can understand everything and she melts to the affection of her father. She keeps her head on the back of her father and the old father becomes so affectionate that he can’t tell anything. He controls his emotion in such moment. But he feels the tears in his back that has fallen from the eyes of Lima. He take the daughter ti his arms and Lima starts to cry shoutly. The father and daughter both start to cry. Hearing sound Lima’s mother comes to there and she also cannot help tears to shop. She moves from there and goes to balcony and keeps her head on the railing. The flower trees in the garden are being grown up. Within a short period all the trees will be covered with flowers. A flower is being grown up in the body of Lima. But she is unable to allow the flower to bloom.

 

(16)

All the dust

Under your foots

Equal to all my loves

If wants to give

I shall take with

Without hesitation and

Never I shall tell

My dear, why did you

Cheat me like this.

During some days after last meeting with friend Ruma in her house all were seemed to be gloomy for both of us.  So the days were passing and none of them could understand how it passed. Lima was feeling the thing seriously and at the same ti8me Zamil was being hurt like dry sunny day in his heart. The brake came from Zamil first. One day he came out the office and started going to the residence of Lima. He talked a little with auntie and then went to the room of Lima. He  knocked the door and sound of Lima came out of the door. She asked-

Who is he? Please come in.

Zamil entered the room pushing the door and Lima who was standing at the window stared back and seeing Zamil she took her face turned to other side. Zamil softly advanced and stood behind Lima. Lima remained stand like still bowing her head touching chin to her chest. Zamil very softly and turned back Lima to his chest. He kissed her on her shoulder. With deep attachment he also kissed her chick. But Lima did not respond. Zamil can understand that now there is tornado in the heart of Lima.  There is a large amount of water of big ocean in her mind and that will come to an end very soon, which is now moving like a cyclone. That cyclone can torn Lima in thousand pieces at any moment and can also snatch Lima from her for ever. The unseen tornado entered also and gripped into the heart of Zamil. He caught Lima to his chest strongly and Lima is also like a baby took shelter in the wide chest of Zamil. They could not tell anything. They lost their sounds from the mouth. Suddenly Lima burst out into cry and Zamil tried to make her cool and calm. Lima became calm slowly. Then Zamil asked-

Everything is all right my dear. From now I shall do which you will tell me to do. Now please laugh a little. I want to see your laughing face.

Lima laughed without any sound. Just the laugh is appeared in the lips of Lima. Zamil understood that there is a bulk of pain and sorrow in heart in disguise and behind this laugh. When Zamil went out then she became almost senseless and sat on the bead. The whole world appeared to her as a senseless being.

Up to deep of the night Lima did not sleep and thinking so many things in her mind she came to her table at some time. She wrote a letter. Then she put the letter into an envelope and keep the envelope in a safe place and then went on sleep.

 

(17)

.......... I can’t live

with or without you.

The next day it was late that Lima left the bed. She took bath and came to the breakfast table. But she is not attentive to anything, as if she is from another world. She is now in this planet and this is a wrong. She can not realize things here well. This is the first time in her life that she became so indifferent. Anybody who will see her shall be able to understand that she is not within her. She is in a deep trouble now.

She went out with permission of her mother. She went to the residence of Ruma. She talked with Ruma for some times and then suddenly grasped the hands of Ruma and told-

Ruma, would you please keep a request of me?

Why did you tell in this way? Had I ever disobliged you in anything?

Please give a letter of me to Zamil.

Yes I shall do it.

Lima brought out a letter from her little hand bag and gave it to Ruma. Then she told in mournful and emotional voice-

Give it tomorrow. Definitely it will not be given today.

All right. I shall comply with your advice.

Lima did not wait any more. She returned to the residence. She observed the things of the world for the last time and then she told to her mind-

Thou, the beautiful world. I am now unfit to live in this world. I am lost my chastity. Forgive me.

The whole day she remained in the room. In the night she remained with others as usual. Thereafter she came to her own room  to sleep.

But when she entered the room she felt something different. All the past came upon her chest and created pressure. The night when became deep the more deep is the pressure she feels on her heart. At some time she stopped feeling. She woke up from the bed and picked up a small bottle of medicine. she thinks for while and then the total blue contents of the bottle she gave on her mouth and drinks it. She then becomes unable to remain standing. She fell down on the floor. Crash comes out of her mouth at large quantity. She starts to sound u7nnatural and within some time went down to the world where no sorrow or pain will never touch her.

On the next day when the long time is passed but the door of the room of Lima is not opened then her mother with a little fear goes to the door and knocks strongly. But when no sound came then calls the name of Lima shoutedly and father of Lima also comes there. They both became afraid.

When after such long and shouted calling no response came then they broke the door of the room and entered there. They found the dead body of Lima on the floor and the body has become hard. Father and mother burst out into cry. The present others also cried out. The whole house become full of roaring cry. None has seen like this  in this house before.

The news reached to everybody one after another. All came to their house. Zamil and Rekha also came hurriedly. Getting news Ruma burst into cry. She entered the room and closed the door. She started to open the envelope that Lima gave her and then she became shocked. She committed to Lima that she will give this letter to Zamil. But at this moment she did not think it. She opened the envelope and started reading the letter that was in it.

Dear Zamil

I could not remove myself from the path of your love, but I could remove myself from your way of life. Allah forgives that none of the girl like me requires to be in such painful life in the world. The innocent flame of fire that I made before is now end today. I have no complaint against you. But if you can then every year you will come to my grave and give some flower on it. Let happiness be fell upon you.

Yours

Lima

Tears come from the eyes of Lima in drops.  She fols the letter and burst out into cry.